Feng Shui For Lovers

Yin and Yang, Wang and Wong,
I’ll move the sofa if it doesn’t take too long.
But first I’ll have to finish the chore
of cleaning up the beer I spilled on the floor.

My wife says the flat-screen would look good over there…
behind the pink sofa and that god ugly chair.
She said it will promote good health and well being,
But I think it would be damn difficult seeing.


Prosperity will follow with this type of Feng Shui.
“You’ll see," she said "just give it a day.”
“And good luck and happiness will soon be just right!”
But my mind was set on a little loving tonight.

“So the head of the bed should always face south?”
As I mumbled some curse words under a semi closed mouth.
“And the foot of the bed must be by the window right here,
so the neighbors can catch a quick glimpse of my rear?”

Feng Shui is about throwing out clutter,
but all I could think about were her hips soft as butter.
As she lay on the bed and I asked what she was feeling,
she said “Before we get going would you fix that crack in the ceiling?”

So I spackled and painted and straightened the mantle,
then lit up the incense and burned a big candle.
Then she whispered so softly, “Now I’m ready to play!”
But I was far too exhausted from the move to Feng Shui.