Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Rabbit Moon





A long time ago
and so far, far away
lived a beautiful girl
in a town by the bay.

Eyes shaped like almonds
and skin tan and brown.
Her hair black as midnight,
and a face oh so round.

It was Sadako's duty
to gather the honey
to sell at the market
and help the family with money.

So early each morning
to the bee hives she went.
Such a sweet little girl,
such a gift heaven sent.

And each night after chores
she would dream and then sigh,
and stare at the moon
with the rabbit up high.

She dreamed she took flight
with the bees from the hive,
and flew up to the moon
even though she was five!

Well she took to the heavens
with the help of the bees,
and visited the rabbit
who was munching on cheese.

"What a beautiful world
to see with my eyes!
I'll just take a quick nap
and then home I will fly!"

She dreamed of rabbits and pinwheels
and cupcakes and poems.
Then the rabbit awoke her and said,
"You can never go home."

But Sadako pleaded.
She felt all alone.
She missed her dear family.
So she flew away home!

So off she did fly
and arrived at her home.
But something was different,
her home was now gone!

A stranger passed by
whom she asked with great fear,
"Where is my family?
Why aren't they here?"

"Who are you? What's your name",
the stranger then asked.
"I'm Sadako Sasaki!"
Then the stranger did gasp!

"Sadako Sasaki,
the legend has been told
left home at age five,
over three centuries ago!"

Sadako wept
because the rabbit was right.
You can never go home
if you fly away in the night.

So when you gaze at the moon
or dream of the stars,
remember home is where the heart is...
it's not all that far.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Senora Saturday


A short story of family, tradition, pain, and finding the courage to love.








My name is Bart, well actually Rogelio Bartolome. San Francisco, California has been my home for most of my fifty nine years. My parents, God bless them, brought me here from Spain when I was two years old. My Papa was a baker, a wonderful baker. My Mother...she was an ángel.

Papa worked hard in the bakery business. Sixteen hour days, coming home covered in flour, smelling of warm bread from the ovens. That’s how I remember him. His smell...I could smell him before he walked in through the door of our tiny apartment. These are the memories I have of him over half a century later. His hard work and love for his craft helped us achieve the American dream. With his savings he bought his own bakery. Mama christened the bakery Dulce Día, and it was indeed a sweet day. A very successful bakery with a loyal Spanish customer base located in Berkeley. All the older Spanish señoras come by still. They show up every Saturday morning to be first in line to purchase the loaves of Pan de Horno as it comes out of the brick oven. No one made real Spanish bread better than Papa did, not even me. It’s my bakery now and its success continues with the work ethic I learned from him. Hard work, love for your fellow man, honest work. It all bought my beautiful home, nice cars, college education for the kids, my precious gold Rolex that Maria gave me for our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. But I would trade it all away for just one more day with her. She’s been gone now for almost six years. I still wear a pink ribbon on my lapel and there’s one in the window of the bakery. It reminds me of her and brings me comfort. I miss her so. That’s why I’m ending it all. I have already decided. I’ll not live to see my sixtieth birthday. At approximately 4:27 pm on July 31, I will end my life.
How fitting my death will be. Rogelio ‘Bart’ Bartolome stepping in front of the Bay Area Rapid Transit 'BART' as it leaves Ashby station. Oh yes, I know the schedule. It’s on the internet. You can look it up yourself. The Richmond line leaves the station at approximately 4:12 pm, picks up passengers at Ashby station and departs at 4:27 pm. That’s when I’ll step in front of the speeding train, my ticket to heaven. I’m counting on a quick and not too painful death. It really doesn’t matter; the pain of life is greater. My only regret will be leaving my two children behind without their Papa. I do hope they will understand. They both will receive a very substantial inheritance and of course the bakery, which they will undoubtedly sell. Family first as I put away the thoughts of suicide for only a moment. The señoras will be angry I suppose. No more lovely Spanish bread, at least not from the Dulce Día.
The week passed by with the occasional thought of what Friday would bring, but it wasn’t a constant thought. I was resolute in my determination to do what I had to do. I still found pleasure in my work, and of course the daily telephone calls I would receive from my children. That was my pleasure in life, the kids. Little did either one of them know that by the end of the week they would both be without their Papa. I knew they would both grieve deeply.
My daughter, Valentina will be especially hurt. She was my little girl. She looks so much like her Mother. The dark wavy hair, the olive complexion, and that bright smile; it was what first attracted me to Maria. And her personality was Maria's to a fine point. My daughter, I miss her so much since she married and moved to Connecticut with her husband Mike. Another reason to be depressed I thought.
Friday arrives, and I am eager for it to end. 
Standing in the passenger queue of the Ashby station I look at my cell phone to check the time. The cell phone is my watch as I don't want my Rolex destroyed when the train rolls over my body. As I glance at the time I see it's 4:25 pm, a couple more minutes and I’ll be dead. As I start to put my cell into my pocket I notice an alert flashing on the screen...”You have one unread message”. OK, I thought as I dialed my voice mail. I’ve got a couple of minutes. One last message, and I laughed as it would definitely be the last. The message then began. “Hola Papa, it's Valentina. You’ll never guess what I have to tell you...I’m pregnant! Mike and I have known for three months, but we wanted to be sure I would make it through the first trimester before we told you. Papa, it’s a girl too…we want to have your blessing and name her after Mother; Maria Ysabel. Papa, I love you. Please call me when you get this message. Bye.”
That night I got down on my knees to talk to God, and I humbly apologized to him for being so selfish...so weak. I reminded myself that I’m a much stronger man than that...my Papa raised me to be stronger. Now I will be a Grandfather to Maria Ysabel and teach her about hard work, love for your fellow man, honesty, but above all that, I'll teach her about her beautiful Abuela Maria. Yes, Maria would like that.
I should sleep now I thought...tomorrow is Saturday and the señoras will be hungry.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Seasons of Love



















For Nan...

Would you hold me now and comfort me
before the leaves fall from the maple tree
In the quietness of a moonlit glow
would you draw me close and not let go

Can you take me back to Summer's past
when our hearts were young and love was fast
Our pockets empty but life was grand
as we made a family hand in hand

So hold me now in our Autumn years
and warm my soul as Winter nears
I always knew our love would last
beyond our youthful seasons past

Monday, September 13, 2010

Warriors Wear Pink


It's been four years since we learned. As always I accompanied my wife to her annual mammogram. We had been doing this for the past dozen years. I would sit in the waiting room while my wife would go into the radiology department and have her annual mammogram. I would typically read through a Readers Digest or whatever was available and before I could finish half of the book, my wife would be done. This time was different. I sat and read the book from cover to cover, then another, then another, then another. Finally my wife emerged and said "They found something." As soon as she told me, she was taken in to another room for an ultrasound, and I waited for what seemed like eternity. Then the doctor came out and said they found a lump the size of a dime, and we should make an appointment with a surgeon for a biopsy.

The biopsy was scheduled for the following week. And then we waited another week for the results. The follow up appointment confirmed our worst fears, yet we had prepared for the worst. It was breast cancer, and it would have to be removed. Two weeks of waiting and then the lumpectomy came along with sentinel lymph node biopsy. Another week and we knew it was in the lymph system. The terrible call came from her surgeon while we were shopping. We left the shopping cart in the aisle of the store and came home. Now came what we thought would be the hard part. Little did we know.

We were scheduled for a bilateral modified radical mastectomy. When it was done we thought "Wow, we made it!" Again, we had no clue. Chemotherapy was waiting for us behind the curtains.


Six months of chemotherapy followed. Loss of feminity, loss of hair, loss of appetite, energy, sexuality, being. Hospitalizations, pneumonia, anemia. The list was endless.


All together, I shaved my head at least a dozen times in support of my wife. I still wear a pink ribbon on my suit lapel to show support for those who have been affected by this horrible disease.
Now here we are four years later. We still see the oncologist every six months. I say we, because we are a team. Husband and wife. I have learned so much from my wife during this episode in our lives. I have learned strength beyond what I could have imagined. I have learned you can't run out of tears. I have learned to be humble. But most of all I have learned to accept what God gives you, and not be selfish, and to trust whatever hand you are dealt, and to play it to the best of your ability.
I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that warriors wear pink.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Cupcakes in Prayerville

I had put this road trip on hold for such a long time. Ever since hearing all the rave reviews about a quaint patisserie in Prayerville, California, I have been eager to go there myself.
Karen Marie's Cupcake Shoppe was my destination this clear blue-skied Saturday morning. I soon found myself driving south along the Eastshore freeway headed toward a tiny little town situated between Pinole and Berkeley. My GPS programmed earlier in the morning with my destination input as 111 Pink Pinwheel Road, Prayerville, CA.
The cupcakes in this tiny bakery were said to be unequaled in taste and in texture. Some would argue that cupcakes of this standard could only be found in Lyon, France...maybe Paris. But to many who had visited Karen Marie's, well...these cupcakes were the best.
The owner and propriétaire, Ms Karen Marie had been taught her culinary and baking skills by the famed five star Michelin chef Henri Lapin, master baking chef of Le Cordon Bleu culinary academy in Paris. Mademoiselle Marie learned early in her career to use only the freshest and most seasonal ingredients in her preparations. In fact, her menu at the Cupcake Shoppe changed daily dependent on what ingredients were the freshest. Today, I hoped the famed Apricot cupcake with fresh vanilla sugar was on the menu, but certaily I would not be picky about anything prepared by Mlle Marie.
As I took the Pink Pinwheel Road exit off of the Eastshore freeway I immediately spotted my destination. It was a beautiful small pink cottage with peppermint canes uniquely displayed in the front of the building. Each one paired with another to form the shape of a heart. A large pink spiraled door invited me in. As I took a seat at a little table in the corner I noticed the cupcake du jour was Apricot! The Buddhist in me smiled. I once again was reminded by some inner knowledge from a past life that karma makes the world go around.
A beautiful princess dressed in a diaphanous Cinderella gown and sparkling diamond tiara approached my table and said, "How may I help you kind Sir?" "Oh, I will have the most splendid apricot cupcake with the vanilla sugar topping and a cup of your most wonderful house brewed coffee please." As princess Karen finished taking my order, she turned and walked toward the kitchen and I overheard her say in a hushed voice "The Commander has arrived!"
Oh, by the way you might think this is a fairy tale, but it really happened! Yes, it was yesterday while napping. After I read a story of a sweet little girl and her cupcakes. And today, I still recall the most delicious cupcake ever tasted. I remember pouring creme into my coffee from a white porcelain rabbit creamer. But most of all I remember an angel named Mademoiselle Karen Marie, owner/propriétaire of Karen's Cupcake Shoppe. If you ever are in Prayerville she'll be saving you a seat at the pink little table. Until then...au revoir.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

In Due Time - Gracias Ernest


I sat completely silent and motionless below the interstate overpass as rain fell and drenched my feet from the small riverlets of water that ran down the walls of my sanctuary. Thunder shook the earth, as streaks of lightning lit up the evening sky like an incandescent bulb being turned on in a darkened room. I understood why this was happening. I recognized God’s wrath. Oh yes, God was angry with me. I had been a glutton for many months since my wife left. I was mortally sinful of all things indulgent. I must make amends with God soon before my abhorrent life slips out of control...before it’s too late to salvage any goodness from my heart. But tonight I will wipe myself dry of the rain and drink wine. And with wine, she will find me. She will sing to me tonight I told myself. She will sing, and I will listen until we fall into each other’s embrace and become one. Afterwards I will sleep. Tomorrow she will be gone and I will speak to God if he is willing to listen I thought as I stood up from the damp earthen floor and found my way towards city lights once again.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Stellar Epiphany

I know it shouldn't be, but it is. It's 9:45 p.m. and the thermometer on my front porch reads 87 degrees. I really didn't need to look, because I was perspiring from being outside only for a few minutes.
Each night before bedtime, my grandson Bobby and I go outside and look for the moon and any stars we can view from our front yard. We sing the same two songs each night. One song to the moon and the other song to the stars. Tonight we didn't see the moon, so it was with great abandon that 'twinkle twinkle little star' would be sung in near harmony, then I could soon again find my place upon the sofa, grateful for the comfort of a cooler environment. Regardless, our neighbors would thank us that tonight it would only be one song instead of two.
As we looked towards the west, Bobby picked out his star and began to sing as I followed in verse. As I focused upon the star and the beauty of the night, I lifted Bobby upon my shoulders as if I were trying to get him a little closer to heaven. That's when the stellar epiphany struck me. I stopped singing and listened as he completed the verse 'How I wonder what you are'. The moment overcame me, leaving me to question the enormity of what my grandson had just sung.
Yes, I do wonder what you are! I wonder what I am, and how it all fits together. Where in the continuum of the universe does our coexistence come into play? What do I bring to the table and how can I be a positive influence in my grandson's life? Tonight my three year old grandson asks the question "what are you?" in the simplest and most innocent of ways possible...through a child's song.
As I lowered Bobby from my shoulders I knew the answer before his feet touched the ground. The answer to my question was simple. It's all about love, family, ritual, and yes...sometimes it's about looking toward the heavens...even if it is 87 degrees outside.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Deux Coquilles de la Mer


My granddaughter was at the beach yesterday and noticed two sea shells at her feet. She told her mother that the shells were kissing. What a statement coming from a young girl not yet two years of age. Her acute observation gave me pause to write something that I hope she can read when she is old enough, and recall her youth.
Deux Coquilles de la Mer
Look around, what do you see?
Two shells kissing at your feet!
Two shells meeting, sharing love,
as you watch them from above.
Deux Coquilles de la Mer
taking time...a kiss to share.
If shells can do it, why can't we?

Oui ma petite-fille, ah oui...ah oui!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Brave Princess



My granddaughter moved to Okinawa, Japan this past January. I always knew she was a brave little girl, and this photo just reinforces my belief. Life on the beach is hard to beat. I see a lot of Pennebaker in her. Fearless, independent, and if I may say so blessed.
...and if you notice the sky above in the top picture...well there's a heart. Exactly where I asked God to leave it.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Don't Fear the Reaper

I think it's quite insecure of oneself to fear aging. I recall turning thirty and thinking what a robust, intelligent person I was. Then forty came along, and those same feelings surged through my fiber, along with financial security, and feelings of grandeur and pomposity. And as I was busy feeling all the invincibilities of being king of the jungle, fifty hit me smack square in the gut.
Now fifty ain't forty by any means. Fifty brings on a whole set of circumstances that you slowly realize are new to you. You can't run as fast as you once did. You need glasses to read the paper. You take prescription medications for things you never thought you would be dealing with only a few years earlier. Getting out of bed, dressing, making coffee, and certain sundry tasks take an hour or more of your day. Oh well, I think I'll sit and take a nice nap, after all I've been up an hour by now.
The one thing that I do realize which gets better with age is a sense of humor. Finally I can laugh at my own misfortune. If the battery is dead in the family car, well at 30 I would have fumed over it. Now I just laugh and tell myself I'll have to get over to Sears today and have them check it out once the car is jumped by some kind neighbor.
Speaking of neighbors, I've got a great one. He's sixty nine years old, and full of spunk. That gives me hope that there are better things to come than just waking up, making coffee, and taking naps. I may after all be getting better with age, just like music. I don't like Usher, Beyonce, and Justin Timberlake. Give me a little Blue Oyster Cult. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Intimacy of Words

Straight from the heart, then to the brain, and finally written down on paper. Better yet read to the one you love. The intimacy of words can peel away the exterior facade we all place around ourselves, opening our souls, revealing our vulnerabilities, secrets, and desires.
Words are those sparks of magic that our soul cries out for us to express in the purest way possible. Irresistable and joyous feelings that money can't buy. Let the concerns of the world keep mounting, and the philosophies of mankind keep drifting further apart.
I'll simply keep using words to communicate and express my feelings.Thoughts of love, friendship and gratitude bleed off my pen to all of you that I call friend.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Uruma-shi


Far to the east, the brown earth yields
to towering stands of bamboo fields.
Where women walk in silken gowns
and karma makes their world go 'round.

Jasmine scent wafts through the air.
Children play without a care.
The sun sets low and dusk is nigh,
as elders chat of days gone by.



This village known as Uruma-shi
between the Pacific and China Sea,
and on a hill high up above
lives a little girl I dearly love.

I'll look to the east when all is quiet,
like I do most every night.
And of course you know I'll send my love...
straight to that hill high up above.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Deep Space Juno

Cocoa Beach, Florida was feeling more like home each day. Throughout the summer I had surfed at least a few times each week and I had made my mark with the local surfers that hung out around the pier at the end of Meade Avenue waiting for that perfect set of waves. Late August was turning out to be a special season in my life. I wasn’t the best of the local surfers, but I was certainly the oldest. I wore my age of fifty four on my sleeve, and I was the first to let the young kids know I was old enough to be their grandfather. I think this endeared me to most of the locals. I felt welcomed whenever I came down to the beach to hang out and surf.

I still had an intense interest in the current operations at NASA, and I kept in contact with my old supervisor Wally Hunt on a weekly basis. Wally was like my Dad. He had been at NASA I guess going on forty years. I knew he planned to retire in the next couple of years, but he stayed on despite his age. He must be about seventy years old I thought, but there was not a sharper mind on the Cape. Wally had seen the Mercury, Gemini, Apollo, and Shuttle programs all come through NASA while serving in one position or another. He was now in charge of the Constellation program. The Constellation program came about to replace the space shuttle which was due for decommissioning later in the year. The Constellation program was the most aggressive undertaking NASA had ever attempted. That is exactly why I had a keen interest in the Cape. I wished silently that I was still with NASA as I walked back from the beach to my condominium. There was nothing keeping me here except the beach. No family, no significant other. There was someone once, but she had her own life in the space program, and I didn’t want to stand in her way and ask her to give up her dreams. I would admire her from afar I thought. After all I still had her name inked on my chest. So in a way, I carried her with me wherever I went….in a very personal way I thought to myself. Arriving back at the condo I gave Wally a call and arranged to meet with him for a quick lunch the following day. “Hello Wally, it’s Papa. Let’s do lunch tomorrow at the NASA cafeteria. Maybe you can fill me in on the Constellation program. I would love to hear about the new Orion capsule. I might even catch a glimpse of you know who and let her know how I have been.” I could hear frustration in Wally’s voice as he replied, “Sure Papa, let’s do lunch. See you about noon. I’ll fill you in on the current news here."

The following day, I drove in to the Cape. I passed by the smart salute of the gate guard who recognized me from when I worked at NASA. I greeted Wally at the employee’s cafeteria. That’s when he let me in on some privileged information. “Papa, the Constellation program is on line. We are going to go with an early morning launch from a single booster Ares 1 rocket in four weeks. The President of the United States put this mission at the top of his priority. The Senate has funded the program in secret due to the sensitive nature of the program’s mission. The Orion capsule that we will be sending into space will be commanded by one astronaut, Major Bud Knight. It’s a four year mission Papa. A mission to Jupiter and back….did you hear me Papa? Papa, I said JUPITER!” It’s a mission to map the planet's magnetic fields, measure the amount of water and ammonia in the Jovian atmosphere and observe the auroras. Papa, I know you still have your Top Secret clearance, so grab your sandwich and follow me to my office will you?” My mind went numb, and I was speechless for almost a minute until I comprehended the entirety of what Wally said. “Jupiter? Wally, we haven’t even been to Mars! For God’s sake Wally, who in their right mind would be willing to give up four years of their life to go to Jupiter?” Then just as soon as I had asked the question, the answer came to me…..I would. I would be willing to go! Yes, I mean what is holding me here? I have no one to come home to. “Send me Wally! Don’t you see? I would be perfect for the mission. I know all there is to know about mapping magnetic fields, measuring atmospheric gases. Wally you have to let me be a standby. Please!” Arriving at Wally’s office, he closed the door and then proceeded to tell me exactly why Jupiter was on the President’s list of top priorities. “Papa, I don’t have to tell you the devastation that the Shoemaker-Levy 9 comet left on the surface of Jupiter. If the same thing happened to our planet, we wouldn’t be sitting here talking of space travel I can assure you that. The Hubble telescope has picked up a comet travelling along a path in the outer edges of our galaxy, and if our guys in operations are correct with their math, there is a ninety three percent chance that earth will suffer the same consequences as Jupiter in the fall of 2045. You do remember what happened to Jupiter’s southern hemisphere don’t you Papa? I don’t have to remind you that a three kilometer fragment of the Levy comet impacted with the force of six hundred million tons of TNT. That was enough to send a plume of space debris three thousand kilometers into the Jovian atmosphere. That was just one of the hundreds of the fragments that struck Jupiter that day. It would mean the end of earth as we know it Papa. That’s why we are pushing ahead with our launch to Jupiter. There is not a minute to waste. We need to know everything we can about the impact, the gases that persist in the Jovian atmosphere, everything.” “Wally, I want to go, please….put me on standby.” “Papa, I do owe you that much for what you did for NASA with the recent rescue of Sam on her ill begotten mission to Mars. I’ll let you know what the council decides after our meeting this afternoon. Don’t hold your breathe Papa, although I hear you are pretty good at it.” “Very funny Wally. Get back to me as soon as you hear anything. You know my cell.” On my drive back to Cocoa Beach I felt sick at my stomach knowing that there was a good chance all life on earth would end in approximately 36 years. I got home and opened up a bottle of Tequila I had been saving for a special occasion. I drank half of the bottle and went to bed.

At approximately 0630 the following morning I was awakened by my cell phone. I was too hung over to answer and I allowed it to take a message. At 0800 I awoke and saw the missed call was from Wally at the Cape. The message said, “Papa, get down to the Cape as fast as you can. Major Knight has broken his ankle in a fall. You are going to Jupiter my friend.” I put on my best pair of old jeans, jumped into my car and sped to the Cape. I flew by the smart salute of the gate guard and headed straight to Bldg. 1 where Wally and his team were waiting for my arrival. I felt like an old warrior being recalled to active duty. This was my calling.

“Let’s get busy, Wally said. First, an orientation of the command module Orion. That should take a couple of days, then the orientation to the Ares 1 booster, and then the orientation to the upper and lower stages of the command modules J2X engine. That’s the engine you will depend upon to put you into an orbit around Jupiter, and then put you in a trajectory for your return back to Earth. One more thing I haven’t mentioned Papa. If anything goes wrong during your mission, you have the option of placing yourself in cryogenic suspension. Now at this time, there is no way for science to bring you back if you choose this option, but maybe in the future, well….we don’t know.” “Wally, let’s get busy. I have a lot of catching up to do. This is definitely not the Lapin Blanc I’m dealing with.”

The following few weeks went by quickly. I spent every available second of my day learning the intricacies of the Orion and the Constellation Program. The operation finally had a name. It was Deep Space Juno. I had already gone deeper than any man with my recent dive to Challenger Deep on board the Alvin-2. Now I would go farther than any man had gone. I felt like an Olympian, ‘Citius, Altius, Fortius’…I thought well at least I have kept my sense of humor about it all. I felt good about the launch and my knowledge to accomplish the mission that was set before me. The only regret I had was leaving Sam. If only I could see her one more time before I left the grip of earth’s hold tomorrow. It was time to get some rest and I headed back to my quarters at the pre-launch barracks; a place that I had called home for the past few weeks.
I awoke at 0400 and was transported to the pre-flight holding area. I was fitted into my space suit. Wally entered the room before my helmet was secured onto the suit and offered me a double shot of tequila. Downing the tequila in a single swallow, I thought this would be the last taste of my favorite nectar for the next four years. I didn’t know what my future held. My condo sold, all my belongings were placed in government storage. I hoped someday to be back and claim my life once again, but for now it was all about Jupiter. “Let’s get this helmet on gentlemen”, I said. With those simple words, I was enclosed into the suit, my life, my destiny. A three mile transport out to the launch pad and I was taken up by elevator to the crew module and strapped in. The hatch closed and locked from the outside. Radio communications opened to the control center, and I heard the countdown commence. “T minus one minute and counting, all systems are go for launch of Operation Deep Space Juno.” My thoughts turned to Sam as I heard the deliberate countdown continue. “Four, three, two, one….we have ignition. We have liftoff of the Orion module with Commander Papa K. Pennebaker, commanding. God’s speed Commander. We’ll see you back in 2013.” The strong and unfamiliar push of the Ares I rocket engine gave me a full seven G’s of force pushing me hard back into the seat of the Orion capsule. The heads up display quickly went from sky blue to the dark black of space, and then the stars appeared as bright as I ever remembered. I was back in the saddle. It would be a full two years until I reached my destination of Jupiter’s southern hemisphere.

Hours became days, days became weeks, then months, then the anniversary of the launch arrived. I celebrated with a squeeze tube of American cheddar and something we called a ‘space wafer’ at NASA. Not bad food I thought especially since I’m two hundred million miles from the nearest McDonald’s. I thought this might be a great time to start singing ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, but then reality set in and I knew I had real work to do. I would play the alliteration game. OK, how many words can I come up with? This was a favorite between Sam and me when we used to get together for dinner. I had come up with a winner once. It went like this: Argentineans asphyxiate alcoholics around August and agitate Alaska, although apathetic Americans allow aggressive Argentinean attacks against Albania Alcoholics Anonymous agents attempt assaults against Argentina; amusing assholes, apparently! Alabaster ain’t allowed around Argentina anymore. The boredom overcame me daily. The highlight of my day was being awakened by the sound of mission control playing a goofy song; then again each evening I would get another. As I readied for sleep this anniversary night anticipating my song I got quite a surprise. “Commander Papa….Papa can you hear me, over?” It was Sam. I had not heard her speak since the summer of 2009. “Yes, yes….I hear you Lieutenant Sam. It’s great to hear your voice, over.” “That’s Lieutenant Commander Sam to you Commander, over.” “Congratulations Lieutenant Commander. I am very proud of you and your accomplishments. Did you have a big party, over?” “No Papa, my husband and I just stayed at home and had a glass of wine and nice dinner, over.” Husband? I didn’t know she married. I had no idea she was in a relationship. I was crushed, but knew it was my fault for not allowing her to know my true feelings for her. “That’s wonderful, I said. Hey maybe we can get together, all of us when I get back and do lunch…uh…over.” “Papa, that would be great…are you OK, over?” "Oh yeah, yeah, I’m just great, couldn’t be better. Hey I should go. You know…gotta get my sleep…busy day tomorrow, over.” “Roger that Commander, I’ll see you when you return, over.” With that the communication ended and I drifted off into a lonely restless sleep. I awoke the following day knowing for certain I had nothing to come back home to. I would risk completing the task of surveying Jupiter and it’s atmosphere with daring abandon. As long as my data was transmitted back to earth, I really didn’t care if I made it back home. This would be my final mission, I was certain of that.

One year turned into eighteen months, then twenty, then finally Jupiter loomed large in the heads up display. Two full years had passed since I launched at the Cape. I was ready to get down to work. This is why I had become an astronaut, what I had trained all my life to do. “Mission control, I am approaching the gravitational pull of Jupiter, firing retrograde J2X engine to facilitate merge into Jovian orbit.” “Roger that Commander Pennebaker, fire J2X upon mark…three two, one, mark.” “Roger mission control, firing J2X." As I flipped the switch to slow the Orion by retro engagement, nothing happened. Again, I flipped the control switch to engage the J2X retro rocket, and again nothing happened. “Mission control, I have a negative engagement on the J2X, be advised that I cannot control the rocket from Orion control. Please remotely attempt to engage, over.”

“Commander Pennebaker, this is mission control. The Orion does not have this fail-safe option built in to it’s system. You will have to engage the engine from your end.” “Get me Wally Hunt now. Do you hear me? I want Wally Hunt now!” Less than one minute later I had Wally on the other end of my communication channel.. Four hundred million miles separated me and the Cape. I had never felt farther away from home in my life.

Wally came on the line, “Papa, it’s Wally. You’ll need to do what you can from the Orion module. There wasn’t enough time to build a remote fail-safe ignition system into the Constellation program. We put a rush on this one I’m afraid to say. The President wanted this launch as soon as possible. The command remote ignition was an oversight.. I’m so sorry.” “Wally, what am I going to do? I’m passing Jupiter as we speak. If I don’t slow down into Jupiter’s orbit I’ll continue out into deep space and end up dying of old age inside this craft. Wally, what am I going to do?” “Papa, I know you will do what you have to do. You have been in dangerous situations before and have always found a way out. Papa, if all else fails, you know you have the cryogenic suspension system on board. I’m not telling you to use it, but if you find yourself in a no win situation, you know it’s available.” "Wally, I understand. I’ll keep in contact with you via mission control, but before I sign off, what is the date?" “It’s November 23rd, 2011. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, Papa. We’ll say a prayer for you.” "Thanks Wally. Send Sam my love. This is Commander Papa K. Pennebaker..out."

The following six months passed by slowly as I continued on a trip far past my intended target. I was now approaching the outer edges of Earth’s solar system. What lay beyond was only seen by the Hubble Space Telescope. Mapping of this zone had not even begun, and I knew that once I entered there would be no rescue. I had decided that if rescue had not come by the six month mark, I would put myself into cryo-suspension. I had gone to a class back at the Cape in preparation of the liftoff to Jupiter and had learned the basics of cryo-suspension. I had to wear a special undergarment, then slip into a special gold foil suit and cover my eyes with a special darkened lens. Oh, and no metal could be touching my skin. No rings, necklaces, etc. All this in hopes of a deep space rescue one day, and by that time cryo-resusitation and neural preservation might be a reality.

I gave it all another month, and then with no hesitation, I prepared the cryo module to accept my body for the remainder of time. My best guess was that I would go to sleep and never awaken. At this point in my life it almost sounded good. I disrobed from the routine module garment that I wore on a typical day, and slipped into the special suit I would wear until I was found. I almost forgot to remove the crucifix I wore around my neck in honor of my guardian angel, Natividad. Where was she when I needed her the most I thought? Maybe she was angry at me for not telling her granddaughter how I truly felt about her. Maybe she was angry at me because I was a Buddhist. Whatever the reason, it seemed I would not be rescued by her this time. Maybe it was finally my time, and I would meet with her on the other side. That’s it, I thought. It must be my time. I removed the crucifix from around my neck and tossed it into the module cabin. I figured I would never need it again. I lay down in the cryo module, flipped the switch to turn on the system, and went to sleep.

Star Date 2032. USS Regal Empress patrolling the outer quadrant of the Pegasus constellation, near the position of star Pegrasi-51. “Captain, you are wanted on the bridge. We are picking up a distinct rhythmic pulse coming from the orbit of Pegrasi-51.” “This is the Captain, I’ll be right up.” Within minutes, Captain John Kelly was on the bridge discussing the rhythmic signal with the watch officer. “Skipper, we have been picking up this audio signal for the past 20 minutes. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s probably nothing, but I would suggest a closer look.” “Good work Ensign Parker, takes us in closer and let’s see if the signal changes, and if we can get a visual on its origin.” “Aye-Aye, Sir. Navigation, thirty degrees port, half speed, quarterdeck up visual display." Within five minutes Captain Kelly knew exactly what the origin of the rhythmic ping was. “Come to dead speed. Maintain visual on craft”, came the orders from Captain Kelly. “Ensign Parker, hail NASA on secure clearance and put it through to my cabin.” “Aye-Aye Sir.” When the Captain reached his wardroom he had a shocking surprise for NASA. “This is Captain Kelly, Commanding Officer of the USS Regal Empress. Let me speak with whoever is in charge at NASA.” “This is Gus Crawford at NASA, you are speaking to him. What can we do for you Captain?” “Mr. Crawford, we have located the lost Orion capsule in the Pegasus constellation. It is intact, and emitting an audio signal. What do you want us to do with your spacecraft?” “Mother of God, Captain Kelly! It can’t be! That craft was lost on the initial Jupiter expedition in 2011. That was twenty one years ago.” “I know my history Mr. Crawford; I’m a graduate of the Naval Academy. The Constellation program and Commander Pennebaker are common names at Annapolis. Matter of fact, Commander Pennebaker was my instructor back in 2007 when I graduated from the Astronaut program. I both respected and admired him. Again Mr. Crawford, what do you want us to do with the craft?” “Bring it aboard Captain, and keep me posted on what you find.” Roger that Mr. Crawford, roger that.” Captain Kelly returned to the bridge with a sense of new found dedication. He would be the one to bring Papa home, albeit dead.

“Ensign Parker, put me on hailing frequency. USS Orion, this is the galactic warship USS Regal Empress, we are here to take you home. USS Orion, this is the galactic warship USS Regal Empress, we are here to take you home. Prepare to be transported aboard. Ensign open the cargo bay, engage tractor beams and bring aboard the USS Orion and Commander Pennebaker’s body.” “Aye-Aye Captain, tractor beams engaged.”

As the Orion was slowly pulled into the cargo hold of the Regal Empress the crew could make out hundreds of tiny pits in the metal of the Orion module. Years of micro space debris, years of subjection to damaging solar radiation had taken a toll on the craft. With due reverence, the hatch of the Orion was opened for the first time in twenty three years.

The audible electronic ping soon was found to be caused by a crucifix attached to a necklace that had wrapped against the communication pod of the Orion. In the recesses of the Orion was where the body of Commander Pennebaker solemnly lay in the cryo module. The module was still functioning and running all these years thanks to the solar panels located on the outside of the Orion. “Summon the ship’s doctor to the cargo bay Ensign Parker. Let’s not rush to assume anything until we get all the facts.” “Aye-Aye Captain. Dr. Kathryn Bartolome you are wanted in the cargo bay ASAP", came the announcement over the ship’s loudspeaker. Within minutes, Dr. Bartolome was examining the frozen body of Commander Pennebaker. “I don’t know Captain, we could try to resuscitate him and perform neural preservation if that’s needed. It’s been over two decades since he put himself into this state. We’ve never attempted to resuscitate someone who has been frozen this long.” “Dr. Bartolome, do everything you can. We owe Commander Pennebaker that. We have to give him at least a fighting chance.” “I’ll start immediately Captain. Let’s get the Commander to sick bay”, came the order from Dr. Bartolome.

Commander Pennebaker’s body was taken and placed in a slow warming regenerator. His body completely submerged inside a warming bath of isotonic fluids that were temperature controlled by Dr. Bartolome. The process of cryo-resusitation and neural regeneration which was developed by NASA only ten years earlier usually took twenty four hours. Papa had been in the isotonic warming bath for forty eight hours without any signs of life. It wasn’t until the sixtieth hour when Dr. Bartolome summoned Captain Kelly to sick bay. “Sir, we have a pulse, and brain wave activity. I think the Commander is going to make it.” “Good job Kathryn, I mean Dr. Bartolome. The country owes you one, I owe you one. Let me know if you see any significant changes. I’ll notify NASA.”

I awoke on the third day after being placed in cryo-resusitation. At least that’s what I was told. I had lost the last twenty years of my life, but for all practical purposes I still was in my mid fifties. I looked the same as I did when I launched back in 2009. I had so many questions to ask, but first the most important thing on my mind was asking Dr. Kathryn Bartolome to hold me to prove she was real. “Hold me please; let me know you are real.” For the first time in a long time I felt the touch of another person. I knew I was alive. “I’m so cold, please just never let go.” I see that my sense of humor remained intact. Anything for a hug I thought.

Captain Kelly entered the room with a smile and handshake. “So do you know where you are, who you are, what year it is, he asked?” Yes, I’m aboard the USS Regal Empress I’m told, it’s 2032, and I’m Commander Papa K. Pennebaker.” “Wrong”, came the skipper’s reply. You are not Commander Papa K. Pennebaker. You were promoted during your little vacation. You were never declared dead, only missing in action. Your new name is Captain Papa K. Pennebaker. Congratulations Captain!” I never thought I would live to see the day I would be a Naval Captain. Now I could buy me a real nice surf board I thought…just got to get myself back to Cocoa.

The voyage back to NASA took less than 1 month. Advances in string technology had pushed the time it took to travel from one constellation to the next into days instead of years. During the down time I had on the voyage home, I learned that my good friend Wally Hunt passed away some fifteen years earlier. I shed too many tears that night, but found strength in his friendship and his belief in me throughout our association at the Cape. I also found out that Sam was now Commander Abjelina. She lived in Pensacola, Florida, and was an instructor for new student aviators entering the naval service. Her marriage had fallen apart only after one year, and she never remarried. She would be fifty years old now I thought. I imagined that she was still as beautiful and full of life as ever. I wondered if this time we could have a chance? I did know one thing, and that was as soon as I got back to the Cape I was going to find that half bottle of Tequila I left in my gear back in 2009, and I was going to get drunk.

Upon arrival at the Cape I was greeted to a hero’s welcome. I never looked at it like that. I was doing a job I loved doing. The boys in operations who bet on a comet collision with earth were way off in their calculations. There was not a ninety three percent chance of a comet colliding with earth. There was a 9.3 percent chance of a comet colliding with earth in 2045. Those were the calculations back in 2009. Now in 2032 the odds were even less. There was a .00093 chance of a comet colliding with earth. You had a better chance of being struck by lightning while going over the Niagara Falls in a barrel while playing the kazoo than the earth being destroyed by this comet. Thanks guys in operations….what you don’t know can actually kill you, it almost killed me.

That night I was given VIP quarters at NASA. I had a drink, found a few blankets and lay down for a good sleep. I dreamed of the Regal Empress, I dreamed of what ifs and I dreamed of my guardian angel Natividad. It was the crucifix banging the communication pod that made that rhythmic ping. The necklace with the crucifix swinging back and forth upon the instrument panel. It was Natividad saving me once again. Then a knock on the door awoke me in the dark, and I heard her voice…”It’s your Regal Empress. I’m here to save you." Then another knock and again the voice said, "It’s your Regal Empress. I’m here to save you." The door suddenly opened and I knew it was Sam from the scent of the only perfume she ever wore. “Hold me please; let me know if you are real…just hold me and never let me go.”