Monday, December 26, 2011

Flip Flop Christmas

It's raining, and has been all day.  That's OK...we need it here in Pensacola.  There is plenty of good food to keep us warm and in the house today.  Lots of left over Christmas turkey.  Precisely why turkey and dumplings was planned and prepared for dinner tonight.
I started putting the meal together this morning by stripping the turkey meat from the bones, then cooking the carcass sans meat, slowly to arrive at a condensed dark brown consomme.  By 3 p.m. it was perfect.  Next a mirapois of carrots, onion and celery were added, and finally, carefully rolled home made dumplings were dropped into the bubbling pot of goodness.  Now the turkey meat was introduced into the broth.  By 6 p.m. it was done.
That's when it happened.  My wife who has been 'under the weather' and napping most of the day said, "I feel like pizza."
You think a protest from me would be in order, but oh no.  I've been married too long for that.  'That dog don't hunt' is how it would be said where I come from.  "I'll go to Pizza Hut honey!"  There, I said it.  Simple, quick, albeit somewhat painful.  I mean the meal I prepared...the rain!  Hey, wait a minute.  If I go out to Pizza Hut I can wear my new Christmas flip flops!  There are flip flops, and then there are cool flip flops.
So out in the rain and the chill and the dark to Pizza Hut I go.  I started singing this to the tune of 'Over the River and Through the Woods to Grandmother's house we go.  There we go, I'm in the Christmas spirit once again.  When I arrived at Pizza Hut I ordered her favorite, 'Super Supreme pan pizza.'  That's when it happened for the second time in less than an hour.  "I'm sorry Sir, we are all out of pan pizza."
I didn't let 5 seconds pass, and then asked, "You do serve beer here don't you?"  After an affirmative nod from the pimple faced boy behind the counter I asked him to bring me 2 drafts and set them down next to me at the PacMan machine situated by the door.
Forty minutes and several quarters later I remembered  why I took up this holy mission to Pizza Hut in the first place.  I drained the last few swallows from my pilsner glass and immediately began formulating an excuse for coming home late without that pizza pie.
Luckily for me a McDonalds was en-route on my way back home, and surprisingly it still has McRib on the menu.  My wife and McRib go way back.  Picking up that pork patty would be my ticket to freedom!
I arrived home an hour later with no pizza.  The inquisition began.
"Where have you been?"  "You smell like pizza."  "Do I smell beer?"  It's funny how these statements always seem to run together without giving you time to even explain things.  After a few more direct all knowing indictments I took a deep breath and said, "Well you see...I know how much you love the McRib.  Unfortunately, McDonalds has a new pizza burger that just came out.  It's making it's debut tonight.  Such a line of people to buy one too.  It's crazy baby!  The whole place smells of pizza."
I'll be eating SPAM for the next few days.  Oh...I did tell you I got a new pair of flip flops for Christmas didn't I?

Friday, December 23, 2011

My Choosing


I’m flying my flag on Christmas day,
and let me tell you why.
The reason is because I can…
So let Old Glory fly!

It’s a gift to me from those who served…
for those who stood the line.
A gift I proudly fly with pride,
for those who fought and died.

The stars and stripes on Christmas day
will fly so high and proud.
So when you pass on Twin Lakes Lane
shout “Freedom” strong and loud!

So Santa, if you lose your way
as Pensacola passes south,
just look out for Old Glory
to guide you to my house.


Thankful I can celebrate the birth of Christ which is my choosing.  God Bless us all.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Twelve Things I Learned in 2011



Dont' tell me about your 'Prostrate', until you learn to spell it correctly.  And then don't tell me about it until you are at least fifty years old.  I don't want to know.

You can't drink three beers without excusing yourself to the bathroom.  

Don't hold grudges.  Please don't.  People get older, some get sick, some die.  If you are mad, just let it go.  You'll be a better person for it.

Karma lives and is at your door.  If it's good let it in.  If it's not, it will bite you in the ass.

Be a child with a child.  You know you want to.

Suck your stomach in when you go to Walmart.  There are too many people who don't.  Someone will thank you for it.

A good morning kiss will set the pace for the rest of the day.  If your significant other isn't going to initiate it, then it's up to you.

Begin the day with a prayer to God.

Give to those less fortunate even if it's only a smile.

Be true to yourself first.

Do not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.

Yes, Virginia...there is...keep it going.  

Monday, September 12, 2011

Crossing to Benzaitendo


Benzaitendo is a temple named after the Hindu goddess Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge, music, and creative arts.
I had the opportunity while living in Okinawa and then again visiting Okinawa in 2011 to visit the temple.
The temple was built in 1502, and houses ancient manuscripts gifted by the King of Korea to the King of the Ryukyuan Islands.
I hope you enjoy the picture and the accompanying poetry.

Crossing to Benzaitendo


A leap of faith, a step of hope,
crossing to Benzaitendo.
A traverse of an ancient moat
along a bridge of stone I go.

In search of bygone manuscripts
gifted from a long dead king.
The words were whispered from his lips.
“Behold the truth” an angel sings.

What secret will the words unveil?
Will I return a different man?
My eyes will see, my mouth will tell
the  mystery of this ancient land.

In the center of the temple
lay the book upon a stone,
it’s binding frayed and simple,
it’s pages brown and over-worn.

As I read aloud with every breath,
the words passed down spoke loud and clear;
the joy of love, the pain of death,
the knowledge of five thousand years.

The wisdom of the erudite king,
to follow in his righteous plan.
It’s love, it's trust, it's everything. 
It's how we treat our fellow man.

A choice to make, yes you must know,
to do your best and lend a hand.  
Crossing to Benziatendo…
my journey to a foreign land.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Gift From Angkor Wat

A simple Buddhist pendant to wear around my neck is a small part of this blog.  I have requested it from my sister who is in Cambodia.  Her destination is Angkor Wat, once a Hindu temple built within a city, and then later a Buddhist temple.  Angkor Wat is the largest religious building in the world.  A temple of the highest order, a religious mecca.  From this temple a simple Buddhist pendant lays wait with my name upon it.  That's the small part of this story.
The larger chapter of this story is my journey into Buddhism.  The steps along the way for me personally to remember and live within the moment.  To remember to breathe and exhale with purpose, and to pay it forward.  I constantly remind myself to live in the present.  The past cannot be changed, and the future is not to worry over, as only the present will guide my steps into the future.
A cup of tea, a clear mind, and living my life in a way that is beneficial to myself and the universe is my choosing.  That is the larger chapter in my life.  How many chapters I have left is unimportant.  If asked what Zen is, I will reply Zen is now.  Zen is the coolness of the air I breathe in.  Zen is the warmth of the air as I breathe out.  
The Buddha will travel a long distance to find my necklace, his new home.  My wish is that he is happy with me, and I with him.
A poem perhaps to reflect upon and close my blog for tonight.

The Nothingness of Tea

Now is all I have
as tea is in the making
unimportant past and future
leave me recalling Zen

Quietly exhaling the day in to air
no words need be spoken
between friends
who met by chance

The tea cup offered
thick green froth
steaming hot
rejuvenating my soul

Bittersweet warmth
kindness between friends
I realize
now is all I have

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sentient

A butterfly visited me this morning by the pool. He stopped long enough to let me take his picture, then I gently cupped him in my hands and released him from the enclosed pool.  I think he was tired because he didn't resist his capture.  As he flew away he looked beautiful against the blue sky.  Our host, my sister in law who is a devout buddhist, heard about my encounter and was happy to learn I released him.  "Something good will come of this," she said.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

El Barrio



My name is Maria Marisol Fuentes. I am fifteen years old, well almost. I'll be fifteen next month. My home is New York City, El Barrio. You may know it best as Spanish Harlem. If you haven't already guessed, I'm Puerto Rican. This is my story.
I dropped out of public school when I was twelve years old and started work in a garment factory located on East 113th Street. I live with my Papa, an unemployed alcoholic. My Mama left us two years ago, and I have not heard from her since. The money I earn at the factory helps pay rent for our tiny apartment on Marin Boulevard. Each day that passes, I find myself more depressed and resigned to the idea that I will live and die in the barrio. I want more, and I have a plan to get out, but I will need help.
"It's 6:47 am, I need to walk faster. I've got to clock in by 7:00 am. I can't be late again!" As I made my way down Marin Boulevard, turning South on 2nd Avenue, and then arriving at the factory on 113th street, my feet ached from the fast pace I set walking into work. I thought, I've got to buy some new shoes as I grabbed my time slip and shoved it into the clock. "Ahh, 6:59, I made it!" Still too close for comfort, I thought. As I took my position at my sewing machine my body switched to autopilot while my mind took me to faraway places, like Florida... maybe Puerto Rico. San Juan would be so beautiful this time of year. Anywhere away from this dreary existence that I call home.
So as soon as my shift would begin, it would end. My fingers always ached from the endless repetitious task of attaching collars to the endless supply of shirts that would be pushed my way by the team of seamstresses. I had a quota of one thousand shirts a day. Within two months on the job I could not only meet one thousand shirts a day, but I could surpass that quota by another thousand shirts. I was paid three cents per shirt over my quota. So on a typical day I could earn an extra thirty dollars. To me that was my ticket out of the barrio. I didn't tell Papa about the bonus money. If he knew about it, he would drink it up within a week or two. Yes, my money was safely hidden beneath the floorboard of my bedroom. The money I have saved over the past two years now totaled exactly $15,200. When I find a way to leave Papa and the barrio, I will be gone....just like Mama.
I know my story sounds so dark and hopeless, but there are bright spots in my day. There is a young man at the factory who has been asking about me. He smiles at me, and spoke to me last week. He said "Hola Maria. Mi nombre es Tito Vázquez ." Since then I have learned that he has asked a lot of questions about me. I also have asked about him. I know he is twenty one years old, drives a nice car, and works in quality control at the factory. I also found out that he thinks I am pretty, and wants to ask me out on a date. The older Puerto Rican ladies in the factory are telling me to stay away from him. "He's a playboy," they say. "He's no good...you'll only get hurt" But I like him and if he asks I will go out with him. Although I am fourteen, I have yet to go on a date, or even have a boyfriend, so Tito and his attention intrigued me. I thought possibly I would have a way out of the barrio.
A week later while I was at lunch, Tito sat at my table and asked me on a date. "You know Maria, I was thinking it would be nice to see a movie with you, or if you want to go for coffee we could do that. If you are interested, that is." I thought for only a minute and agreed to meet him. Not at my apartment, but at the corner of Marin and Second Avenue. Tito agree, and told me to watch for a candy apple red Porsche 911. "I'll pick you up at 7pm Maria, watch for me OK?"
That evening before our date I pulled up the floorboard to my bedroom hiding spot and took all $15,200 and stuffed it into an oversized purse. I packed an extra set of clothes. My Papa was passed out on the sofa in the living room. I bent down and kissed him on his forehead and whispered "Goodbye Papa". I knew that when I left the room and closed the door behind me that I would never be back, and would never see Papa again.
Tito pulled up in the Porsche at 7pm. He got out and opened the door for me to get into the passenger side. "Tito, do you believe in God?" "Si, Maria...I do believe. Why do you ask me this?" I opened the bag and showed Tito the money.
"Let's get the hell out of this city," I said. Tito replied, "Si mi amor, si. You should buckle up, I have a very fast car."

Monday, August 1, 2011

Breathe and Smile

I read a bit of Thich Nhat Hanh's book, Breathe! You are Alive, recently.  Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who teaches calmness in the face of adversity.  He has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in the past for his opposition to the conflict in Vietnam vs USA, and he is a great proponent for world peace.  One of his main focuses is upon breathing and meditation.  "Just breathe, and go slowly" is one of his mantras.  Lord, I did try this afternoon while waiting in the line at Walmart, but I'm only human.
The two ladies in front of me were using a combination of WIC, Foodstamps, Cash, and Credit.  If WIC wouldn't purchase their 3 gallons of milk, and foodstamps had already been  used, they relied on credit.  Unfortunately their credit card was rejected, and unfortunately for the line backing up, they couldn't come up with enough cash to purchase that extra gallon.  So let's call her Madam A takes the milk back to the rear of the store while we all stare down Madam B and tisk tisk her.  5 minutes later Madam A returns with two candy bars and a bottle of water.  The check out goes smoothly from there and it's my turn to check out my items.  All 12 of them.  I thought it would be easy.  
Millie with 15 years at WalMart was the cashier.  She wore that button proudly folks.  I made mention of it as I put my first item on the conveyor belt.  "Fifteen years, I said...you should be proud!"  "No melons on the conveyor", came her terse reply.  "We have a skew for them melons!"  Dammit, breathe I thought as I took the watermelon off the belt and put it in my cart.  My next item wouldn't fare any better.  "What's this?", she said looking inquisitively at my bagged fish I had selected from one of the aquariums in the store.  "It's a fish," I said.  "I know it's a fish sir, but what kind of fish is it?  I can't read the code...is that a 113 or a 118"?  
"It's a 3",  I said not really knowing if it was or not.  I just wanted out of WalMart before I lost my temper.
Now, an hour and a half later I can sit down and really take a deep breath while sitting at home.  I know I just returned from vacation only a few days ago, but somehow I feel a need for a little Jimmy Buffet and an ice cold drink. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Insatiable




Insatiable

I did it in Italy
and quite often in Spain.
I've done it in sunshine
and once in the rain.

Some were quite primitive
and a few were quite grand;
but the most uncomfortable time
was when I did it in sand.

The spread of desire
lying in front of my eyes;
like a moth to a flame
I'm too old to tell lies.

The lure of the sweetness
the wine of my youth...
this seafarer's story 
is nothing but truth...hmm!

Yes, picnics are wonderful
so filled with good food!
What else were your thinking?
Now isn't that rude!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Deep Space Juno

Cocoa Beach, Florida was feeling more like home each day. Throughout the summer I had surfed at least a few times each week and I had made my mark with the local surfers that hung out around the pier at the end of Meade Avenue waiting for that perfect set of waves. Late August was turning out to be a special season in my life. I wasn’t the best of the local surfers, but I was certainly the oldest. I wore my age of fifty four on my sleeve, and I was the first to let the young kids know I was old enough to be their grandfather. I think this endeared me to most of the locals. I felt welcomed whenever I came down to the beach to hang out and surf.
I still had an intense interest in the current operations at NASA, and I kept in contact with my old supervisor Wally Hunt on a weekly basis. Wally was like my Dad. He had been at NASA I guess going on forty years. I knew he planned to retire in the next couple of years, but he stayed on despite his age. He must be about seventy years old I thought, but there was not a sharper mind on the Cape. Wally had seen the Mercury, Gemini, Apollo, and Shuttle programs all come through NASA while serving in one position or another. He was now in charge of the Constellation program. The Constellation program came about to replace the space shuttle which was due for decommissioning later in the year. The Constellation program was the most aggressive undertaking NASA had ever attempted. That is exactly why I had a keen interest in the Cape. I wished silently that I was still with NASA as I walked back from the beach to my condominium. There was nothing keeping me here except the beach. No family, no significant other. There was someone once, but she had her own life in the space program, and I didn’t want to stand in her way and ask her to give up her dreams. I would admire her from afar I thought. After all I still had her name inked on my chest. So in a way, I carried her with me wherever I went….in a very personal way I thought to myself. Arriving back at the condo I gave Wally a call and arranged to meet with him for a quick lunch the following day. “Hello Wally, it’s Papa. Let’s do lunch tomorrow at the NASA cafeteria. Maybe you can fill me in on the Constellation program. I would love to hear about the new Orion capsule. I might even catch a glimpse of you know who and let her know how I have been.” I could hear frustration in Wally’s voice as he replied, “Sure Papa, let’s do lunch. See you about noon. I’ll fill you in on the current news here."
The following day, I drove in to the Cape. I passed by the smart salute of the gate guard who recognized me from when I worked at NASA. I greeted Wally at the employee’s cafeteria. That’s when he let me in on some privileged information.“Papa, the Constellation program is on line. We are going to go with an early morning launch from a single booster Ares 1 rocket in four weeks. The President of the United States put this mission at the top of his priority. The Senate has funded the program in secret due to the sensitive nature of the program’s mission. The Orion capsule that we will be sending into space will be commanded by one astronaut, Major Bud Knight. It’s a four year mission Papa. A mission to Jupiter and back….did you hear me Papa? Papa, I said JUPITER!” It’s a mission to map the planet's magnetic fields, measure the amount of water and ammonia in the Jovian atmosphere and observe the auroras. Papa, I know you still have your Top Secret clearance, so grab your sandwich and follow me to my office will you?” My mind went numb, and I was speechless for almost a minute until I comprehended the entirety of what Wally said. “Jupiter? Wally, we haven’t even been to Mars! For God’s sake Wally, who in their right mind would be willing to give up four years of their life to go to Jupiter?” Then just as soon as I had asked the question, the answer came to me…..I would. I would be willing to go! Yes, I mean what is holding me here? I have no one to come home to. “Send me Wally! Don’t you see? I would be perfect for the mission. I know all there is to know about mapping magnetic fields, measuring atmospheric gases. Wally you have to let me be a standby. Please!” Arriving at Wally’s office, he closed the door and then proceeded to tell me exactly why Jupiter was on the President’s list of top priorities. “Papa, I don’t have to tell you the devastation that the Shoemaker-Levy 9 comet left on the surface of Jupiter. If the same thing happened to our planet, we wouldn’t be sitting here talking of space travel I can assure you that. The Hubble telescope has picked up a comet travelling along a path in the outer edges of our galaxy, and if our guys in operations are correct with their math, there is a ninety three percent chance that earth will suffer the same consequences as Jupiter in the fall of 2045. You do remember what happened to Jupiter’s southern hemisphere don’t you Papa? I don’t have to remind you that a three kilometer fragment of the Levy comet impacted with the force of six hundred million tons of TNT. That was enough to send a plume of space debris three thousand kilometers into the Jovian atmosphere. That was just one of the hundreds of the fragments that struck Jupiter that day. It would mean the end of earth as we know it Papa. That’s why we are pushing ahead with our launch to Jupiter. There is not a minute to waste. We need to know everything we can about the impact, the gases that persist in the Jovian atmosphere, everything.” “Wally, I want to go, please….put me on standby.” “Papa, I do owe you that much for what you did for NASA with the recent rescue of Sam on her ill begotten mission to Mars. I’ll let you know what the council decides after our meeting this afternoon. Don’t hold your breathe Papa, although I hear you are pretty good at it.” “Very funny Wally. Get back to me as soon as you hear anything. You know my cell.” On my drive back to Cocoa Beach I felt sick at my stomach knowing that there was a good chance all life on earth would end in approximately 36 years. I got home and opened up a bottle of Tequila I had been saving for a special occasion. I drank half of the bottle and went to bed.
At approximately 0630 the following morning I was awakened by my cell phone. I was too hung over to answer and I allowed it to take a message. At 0800 I awoke and saw the missed call was from Wally at the Cape. The message said, “Papa, get down to the Cape as fast as you can. Major Knight has broken his ankle in a fall. You are going to Jupiter my friend.” I put on my best pair of old jeans, jumped into my car and sped to the Cape. I flew by the smart salute of the gate guard and headed straight to Bldg. 1 where Wally and his team were waiting for my arrival. I felt like an old warrior being recalled to active duty. This was my calling.
“Let’s get busy, Wally said. First, an orientation of the command module Orion. That should take a couple of days, then the orientation to the Ares 1 booster, and then the orientation to the upper and lower stages of the command modules J2X engine. That’s the engine you will depend upon to put you into an orbit around Jupiter, and then put you in a trajectory for your return back to Earth. One more thing I haven’t mentioned Papa. If anything goes wrong during your mission, you have the option of placing yourself in cryogenic suspension. Now at this time, there is no way for science to bring you back if you choose this option, but maybe in the future, well….we don’t know.” “Wally, let’s get busy. I have a lot of catching up to do. This is definitely not the Lapin Blanc I’m dealing with.”
The following few weeks went by quickly. I spent every available second of my day learning the intricacies of the Orion and the Constellation Program. The operation finally had a name. It was Deep Space Juno. I had already gone deeper than any man with my recent dive to Challenger Deep on board the Alvin-2. Now I would go farther than any man had gone. I felt like an Olympian, ‘Citius, Altius, Fortius’…I thought well at least I have kept my sense of humor about it all. I felt good about the launch and my knowledge to accomplish the mission that was set before me. The only regret I had was leaving Sam. If only I could see her one more time before I left the grip of earth’s hold tomorrow. It was time to get some rest and I headed back to my quarters at the pre-launch barracks; a place that I had called home for the past few weeks.
I awoke at 0400 and was transported to the pre-flight holding area. I was fitted into my space suit. Wally entered the room before my helmet was secured onto the suit and offered me a double shot of tequila. Downing the tequila in a single swallow, I thought this would be the last taste of my favorite nectar for the next four years. I didn’t know what my future held. My condo sold, all my belongings were placed in government storage. I hoped someday to be back and claim my life once again, but for now it was all about Jupiter. “Let’s get this helmet on gentlemen”, I said. With those simple words, I was enclosed into the suit, my life, my destiny. A three mile transport out to the launch pad and I was taken up by elevator to the crew module and strapped in. The hatch closed and locked from the outside. Radio communications opened to the control center, and I heard the countdown commence. “T minus one minute and counting, all systems are go for launch of Operation Deep Space Juno.” My thoughts turned to Sam as I heard the deliberate countdown continue. “Four, three, two, one….we have ignition. We have liftoff of the Orion module with Commander Papa K. Pennebaker, commanding. God’s speed Commander. We’ll see you back in 2013.” The strong and unfamiliar push of the Ares I rocket engine gave me a full seven G’s of force pushing me hard back into the seat of the Orion capsule. The heads up display quickly went from sky blue to the dark black of space, and then the stars appeared as bright as I ever remembered. I was back in the saddle. It would be a full two years until I reached my destination of Jupiter’s southern hemisphere.
Hours became days, days became weeks, then months, then the anniversary of the launch arrived. I celebrated with a squeeze tube of American cheddar and something we called a ‘space wafer’ at NASA. Not bad food I thought especially since I’m two hundred million miles from the nearest McDonald’s. I thought this might be a great time to start singing ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, but then reality set in and I knew I had real work to do. I would play the alliteration game. OK, how many words can I come up with? This was a favorite between Sam and me when we used to get together for dinner. I had come up with a winner once. It went like this: Argentineans asphyxiate alcoholics around August and agitate Alaska, although apathetic Americans allow aggressive Argentinean attacks against Albania Alcoholics Anonymous agents attempt assaults against Argentina; amusing assholes, apparently! Alabaster ain’t allowed around Argentina anymore. The boredom overcame me daily. The highlight of my day was being awakened by the sound of mission control playing a goofy song; then again each evening I would get another. As I readied for sleep this anniversary night anticipating my song I got quite a surprise. “Commander Papa….Papa can you hear me, over?” It was Sam. I had not heard her speak since the summer of 2009. “Yes, yes….I hear you Lieutenant Sam. It’s great to hear your voice, over.” “That’s Lieutenant Commander Sam to you Commander, over.” “Congratulations Lieutenant Commander. I am very proud of you and your accomplishments. Did you have a big party, over?” “No Papa, my husband and I just stayed at home and had a glass of wine and nice dinner, over.” Husband? I didn’t know she married. I had no idea she was in a relationship. I was crushed, but knew it was my fault for not allowing her to know my true feelings for her. “That’s wonderful, I said. Hey maybe we can get together, all of us when I get back and do lunch…uh…over.” “Papa, that would be great…are you OK, over?” "Oh yeah, yeah, I’m just great, couldn’t be better. Hey I should go. You know…gotta get my sleep…busy day tomorrow, over.” “Roger that Commander, I’ll see you when you return, over.” With that the communication ended and I drifted off into a lonely restless sleep. I awoke the following day knowing for certain I had nothing to come back home to. I would risk completing the task of surveying Jupiter and it’s atmosphere with daring abandon. As long as my data was transmitted back to earth, I really didn’t care if I made it back home. This would be my final mission, I was certain of that.
One year turned into eighteen months, then twenty, then finally Jupiter loomed large in the heads up display. Two full years had passed since I launched at the Cape. I was ready to get down to work. This is why I had become an astronaut, what I had trained all my life to do. “Mission control, I am approaching the gravitational pull of Jupiter, firing retrograde J2X engine to facilitate merge into Jovian orbit.” “Roger that Commander Pennebaker, fire J2X upon mark…three, two, one, mark.” “Roger mission control, firing J2X." As I flipped the switch to slow the Orion by retro engagement, nothing happened. Again, I flipped the control switch to engage the J2X retro rocket, and again nothing happened. “Mission control, I have a negative engagement on the J2X, be advised that I cannot control the rocket from Orion control. Please remotely attempt to engage, over.”
“Commander Pennebaker, this is mission control. The Orion does not have this fail-safe option built in to it’s system. You will have to engage the engine from your end.” “Get me Wally Hunt now. Do you hear me? I want Wally Hunt now!” Less than one minute later I had Wally on the other end of my communication channel.. Four hundred million miles separated me and the Cape. I had never felt farther away from home in my life.
Wally came on the line, “Papa, it’s Wally. You’ll need to do what you can from the Orion module. There wasn’t enough time to build a remote fail-safe ignition system into the Constellation program. We put a rush on this one I’m afraid to say. The President wanted this launch as soon as possible. The command remote ignition was an oversight.. I’m so sorry.” “Wally, what am I going to do? I’m passing Jupiter as we speak. If I don’t slow down into Jupiter’s orbit I’ll continue out into deep space and end up dying of old age inside this craft. Wally, what am I going to do?” “Papa, I know you will do what you have to do. You have been in dangerous situations before and have always found a way out. Papa, if all else fails, you know you have the cryogenic suspension system on board. I’m not telling you to use it, but if you find yourself in a no win situation, you know it’s available.” "Wally, I understand. I’ll keep in contact with you via mission control, but before I sign off, what is the date?" “It’s November 23rd, 2011. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, Papa. We’ll say a prayer for you.” "Thanks Wally. Send Sam my love. This is Commander Papa K. Pennebaker..out."
The following six months passed by slowly as I continued on a trip far past my intended target. I was now approaching the outer edges of Earth’s solar system. What lay beyond was only seen by the Hubble Space Telescope. Mapping of this zone had not even begun, and I knew that once I entered there would be no rescue. I had decided that if rescue had not come by the six month mark, I would put myself into cryo-suspension. I had gone to a class back at the Cape in preparation of the liftoff to Jupiter and had learned the basics of cryo-suspension. I had to wear a special undergarment, then slip into a special gold foil suit and cover my eyes with a special darkened lens. Oh, and no metal could be touching my skin. No rings, necklaces, etc. All this in hopes of a deep space rescue one day, and by that time cryo-resusitation and neural preservation might be a reality.
I gave it all another month, and then with no hesitation, I prepared the cryo module to accept my body for the remainder of time. My best guess was that I would go to sleep and never awaken. At this point in my life it almost sounded good. I disrobed from the routine module garment that I wore on a typical day, and slipped into the special suit I would wear until I was found. I almost forgot to remove the crucifix I wore around my neck in honor of my guardian angel, Natividad. Where was she when I needed her the most I thought? Maybe she was angry at me for not telling her granddaughter how I truly felt about her. Maybe she was angry at me because I was a Buddhist. Whatever the reason, it seemed I would not be rescued by her this time. Maybe it was finally my time, and I would meet with her on the other side. That’s it, I thought. It must be my time. I removed the crucifix from around my neck and tossed it into the module cabin. I figured I would never need it again. I lay down in the cryo module, flipped the switch to turn on the system, and went to sleep.
Star Date 2032. USS Regal Empress patrolling the outer quadrant of the Pegasus constellation, near the position of star Pegrasi-51. “Captain, you are wanted on the bridge. We are picking up a distinct rhythmic pulse coming from the orbit of Pegrasi-51.” “This is the Captain, I’ll be right up.” Within minutes, Captain John Kelly was on the bridge discussing the rhythmic signal with the watch officer. “Skipper, we have been picking up this audio signal for the past 20 minutes. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s probably nothing, but I would suggest a closer look.” “Good work Ensign Parker, takes us in closer and let’s see if the signal changes, and if we can get a visual on its origin.” “Aye-Aye, Sir. Navigation, thirty degrees port, half speed, quarterdeck up visual display." Within five minutes Captain Kelly knew exactly what the origin of the rhythmic ping was. “Come to dead speed. Maintain visual on craft”, came the orders from Captain Kelly. “Ensign Parker, hail NASA on secure clearance and put it through to my cabin.” “Aye-Aye Sir.” When the Captain reached his wardroom he had a shocking surprise for NASA. “This is Captain Kelly, Commanding Officer of the USS Regal Empress. Let me speak with whoever is in charge at NASA.” “This is Gus Crawford at NASA, you are speaking to him. What can we do for you Captain?” “Mr. Crawford, we have located the lost Orion capsule in the Pegasus constellation. It is intact, and emitting an audio signal. What do you want us to do with your spacecraft?” “Mother of God, Captain Kelly! It can’t be! That craft was lost on the initial Jupiter expedition in 2011. That was twenty one years ago.” “I know my history Mr. Crawford; I’m a graduate of the Naval Academy. The Constellation program and Commander Pennebaker are common names at Annapolis. Matter of fact, Commander Pennebaker was my instructor back in 2007 when I graduated from the Astronaut program. I both respected and admired him. Again Mr. Crawford, what do you want us to do with the craft?” “Bring it aboard Captain, and keep me posted on what you find.” Roger that Mr. Crawford, roger that.” Captain Kelly returned to the bridge with a sense of new found dedication. He would be the one to bring Papa home, albeit dead.
“Ensign Parker, put me on hailing frequency. USS Orion, this is the galactic warship USS Regal Empress, we are here to take you home. USS Orion, this is the galactic warship USS Regal Empress, we are here to take you home. Prepare to be transported aboard. Ensign open the cargo bay, engage tractor beams and bring aboard the USS Orion and Commander Pennebaker’s body.” “Aye-Aye Captain, tractor beams engaged.”
As the Orion was slowly pulled into the cargo hold of the Regal Empress the crew could make out hundreds of tiny pits in the metal of the Orion module. Years of micro space debris, years of subjection to damaging solar radiation had taken a toll on the craft. With due reverence, the hatch of the Orion was opened for the first time in twenty three years.
The audible electronic ping soon was found to be caused by a crucifix attached to a necklace that had wrapped against the communication pod of the Orion. In the recesses of the Orion was where the body of Commander Pennebaker solemnly lay in the cryo module. The module was still functioning and running all these years thanks to the solar panels located on the outside of the Orion. “Summon the ship’s doctor to the cargo bay Ensign Parker. Let’s not rush to assume anything until we get all the facts.” “Aye-Aye Captain. Dr. Kathryn Bartolome you are wanted in the cargo bay ASAP", came the announcement over the ship’s loudspeaker. Within minutes, Dr. Bartolome was examining the frozen body of Commander Pennebaker. “I don’t know Captain, we could try to resuscitate him and perform neural preservation if that’s needed. It’s been over two decades since he put himself into this state. We’ve never attempted to resuscitate someone who has been frozen this long.” “Dr. Bartolome, do everything you can. We owe Commander Pennebaker that. We have to give him at least a fighting chance.” “I’ll start immediately Captain. Let’s get the Commander to sick bay”, came the order from Dr. Bartolome.
Commander Pennebaker’s body was taken and placed in a slow warming regenerator. His body completely submerged inside a warming bath of isotonic fluids that were temperature controlled by Dr. Bartolome. The process of cryo-resusitation and neural regeneration which was developed by NASA only ten years earlier usually took twenty four hours. Papa had been in the isotonic warming bath for forty eight hours without any signs of life. It wasn’t until the sixtieth hour when Dr. Bartolome summoned Captain Kelly to sick bay. “Sir, we have a pulse, and brain wave activity. I think the Commander is going to make it.” “Good job Kathryn, I mean Dr. Bartolome. The country owes you one, I owe you one. Let me know if you see any significant changes. I’ll notify NASA.”
I awoke on the third day after being placed in cryo-resusitation. At least that’s what I was told. I had lost the last twenty years of my life, but for all practical purposes I still was in my mid fifties. I looked the same as I did when I launched back in 2009. I had so many questions to ask, but first the most important thing on my mind was asking Dr. Kathryn Bartolome to hold me to prove she was real. “Hold me please; let me know you are real.” For the first time in a long time I felt the touch of another person. I knew I was alive. “I’m so cold, please just never let go.” I see that my sense of humor remained intact. Anything for a hug I thought.
Captain Kelly entered the room with a smile and handshake. “So do you know where you are, who you are, what year it is, he asked?” Yes, I’m aboard the USS Regal Empress I’m told, it’s 2032, and I’m Commander Papa K. Pennebaker.” “Wrong”, came the skipper’s reply. You are not Commander Papa K. Pennebaker. You were promoted during your little vacation. You were never declared dead, only missing in action. Your new name is Captain Papa K. Pennebaker. Congratulations Captain!” I never thought I would live to see the day I would be a Naval Captain. Now I could buy me a real nice surf board I thought…just got to get myself back to Cocoa.
The voyage back to NASA took less than 1 month. Advances in string technology had pushed the time it took to travel from one constellation to the next into days instead of years. During the down time I had on the voyage home, I learned that my good friend Wally Hunt passed away some fifteen years earlier. I shed too many tears that night, but found strength in his friendship and his belief in me throughout our association at the Cape. I also found out that Sam was now Commander Abjelina. She lived in Pensacola, Florida, and was an instructor for new student aviators entering the naval service. Her marriage had fallen apart only after one year, and she never remarried. She would be fifty years old now I thought. I imagined that she was still as beautiful and full of life as ever. I wondered if this time we could have a chance? I did know one thing, and that was as soon as I got back to the Cape I was going to find that half bottle of Tequila I left in my gear back in 2009, and I was going to get drunk.
Upon arrival at the Cape I was greeted to a hero’s welcome. I never looked at it like that. I was doing a job I loved doing. The boys in operations who bet on a comet collision with earth were way off in their calculations. There was not a ninety three percent chance of a comet colliding with earth. There was a 9.3 percent chance of a comet colliding with earth in 2045. Those were the calculations back in 2009. Now in 2032 the odds were even less. There was a .00093 chance of a comet colliding with earth. You had a better chance of being struck by lightning while going over the Niagara Falls in a barrel while playing the kazoo than the earth being destroyed by this comet. Thanks guys in operations….what you don’t know can actually kill you, it almost killed me.
That night I was given VIP quarters at NASA. I had a drink, found a few blankets and lay down for a good sleep. I dreamed of the Regal Empress, I dreamed of what ifs and I dreamed of my guardian angel Natividad. It was the crucifix banging the communication pod that made that rhythmic ping. The necklace with the crucifix swinging back and forth upon the instrument panel. It was Natividad saving me once again. Then a knock on the door awoke me in the dark, and I heard her voice…”It’s your Regal Empress. I’m here to save you." Then another knock and again the voice said, "It’s your Regal Empress. I’m here to save you." The door suddenly opened and I knew it was Sam from the scent of the only perfume she ever wore. “Hold me please; let me know if you are real…just hold me and never let me go.”

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Responsibility Of My Blessing

As the fourth of July approaches I usually start thinking about barbeque, ice cold watermelon, a couple of beers, backyard parties, and flying the flag out front so all can see. I love flying the flag, and try to put it out daily, and not forget to bring it in at dusk. I have watched the flag for what seems like hours on occasion, and know how the red and white stripes flutter in the breeze and how the field of fifty white stars sit upon their dark blue background. Red, white and blue. Those three colors have come to represent not only our flag, but also an analogy for being a good citizen. “Yep, he’s red, white and blue through and through.” You have probably heard that many times in your life. It’s fitting that those colors represent someone’s loyalty to the United States. If you think about it, well it’s quite a compliment to be red, white and blue. 
Blessed with citizenship, and not taken for granted. That’s what I wish for myself and my friends. I totally understand that this freedom I enjoy came with a huge price. The sacrifices of men and women before me, and those that will come after me have and will ensure this blessing for generations to come. Our present day responsibility collectively is to ensure that the younger generation realizes the prices paid, and the responsibility that is theirs in keeping our country free from tyranny.
I am very proud to be part of this great country. I am proud of each one of you who take citizenship seriously, and I am proud of those who come to our country legally and seek citizenship lawfully.    
So this fourth of July, as I eat my barbeque, fly the stars and stripes, and listen to the kids laugh and play in the yard, I'll also remind myself of the responsibility of my blessing.....


"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Ichariba chode


Ichariba Chode
(as soon as we meet, we are as brothers and sisters)

White sand, coral
birds in flight
Palm trees, blue skies
starlit nights

Sea shells, children
sun above
Coconuts, Eisa
Island love

Warm smiles, handshakes
jing-jing tunes
Taiko drum beats
to an Obon moon


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Crossing to Benzaitendo

Benzaitendo is a temple named after the Hindu goddess Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge, music, and creative arts.
I had the opportunity while living in Okinawa and then again visiting Okinawa in 2011 to visit the temple.
The temple was built in 1502, and houses ancient manuscripts gifted by the King of Korea to the King of the Ryukyuan Islands.
I hope you enjoy the picture and the accompanying poetry.



Crossing to Benzaitendo


A leap of faith, a step of hope,
crossing to Benzaitendo.
A traverse of an ancient moat
along a bridge of stone I go.

In search of bygone manuscripts
gifted from a long dead king.
The words were whispered from his lips.
“Behold the truth” an angel sings.

What secret will the words unveil?
Will I return a different man?
My eyes will see, my mouth will tell
the  mystery of this ancient land.

In the center of the temple
lay the book upon a stone.
It’s binding worn and simple,
it’s pages brown and over-worn.

As I read aloud with every breath,
the words passed down spoke loud and clear;
the joy of love, the pain of death,
the knowledge of five thousand years.


The wisdom of the erudite king,
to follow in his righteous plan.
It’s love, it's trust, it's everything. 
It's how we treat our fellow man.

A choice to make, yes you must know,
to do your best and lend a hand.  
Crossing to Benziatendo…
my journey to a foreign land.


Shinjichi nu ada nayumi

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Tragic Little Boy

Tragic Little Boy

Tragic little boy with golden locks
Met your stepdad at the door with the pistol cocked
Aimed the gun right at his head
Pulled the trigger and now he’s dead

Tragic little boy all beat down
He turned your smile into a frown
Now he lies upon the floor
He’ll never beat you anymore

Tragic little boy forever scarred
One third your life spent behind steel bars
A crime of anger a life in wreck
When you get out your mommy’s next


“Paid my price to society? I don’t know. All I know is that I did what I had to do to survive. If I hadn’t killed the bastard, I would be dead and that’s what I know. Spending the last five years in Juvy has given me time to think about whether I did the right thing. I have to say I would do it again if I had to.” The warden looked at me and shook his head. He knew that he would have to release me upon my eighteenth birthday under state law that pertained to juveniles who committed murder before they reached the age of thirteen. I had deliberately kept my nose clean during my five years in confinement. I knew that a clean slate of good behavior would be my ticket to parole upon my birthday, which was tomorrow. I had spent one third of my life locked away. Tomorrow I would walk a free man. “John, I don’t hear any repentance in your voice, but I have no other choice than to release you back into society. I don’t want to see you back in confinement, do you understand me?” As I took a deep breath, and after a deliberate pause I said, “You won’t see me again warden, not in this lifetime."
As I was escorted back to my cell, little did anyone know the fury I felt in my heart. I was one angry son of a bitch. There was a debt that was going to be paid, and I was going to be the collector. Tonight would be the last night I would ever spend in confinement.
The next morning I was awakened by the change of prison guards at approximately 5:45 am. “John Reinmiller, rise up, collect your belongings and come with me. You’re being released." My day had come, and with those words I was issued my personal effects and declared a free man. I promised myself that I would never speak or think of this place again. Right now all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and to sleep in a soft bed. The evil that I had planned during the past five years in confinement would begin soon enough. The wrath of God would soon be upon the wicked I told myself. "John, don't you want to call your family and have them pick you up?" "No, I'd rather take a cab", I replied. I made a quick call to City Cab, and asked the driver to take me to the nearest cheap motel.
My Stepfather had beaten me routinely from the time I was five years old until I killed him when I was twelve. He was an alcoholic and a cruel bastard. Eugene Bettendorf, what an asshole. He would usually whip me with a shaving strap if he had the time to grab it, otherwise he would whip me with his belt. I was afraid of him and his anger and I did what he said until I reached the age of ten or eleven. I wised up at that age and would usually hide from him until he drank himself into unconsciousness. By the following morning he would generally forget why he was angry in the first place. I never called him Dad, I referred to him as Mr. Bettendorf, or privately as Eugene, and that’s the way it was. To him, I was nothing but an inconvenience, a mouth to feed, and a liability that came between himself and my Mother. I don’t know what hurt more, his beatings, or my Mother’s indifference to him beating me. It was always his word against mine, and my Mother would always side with Eugene. I don’t know if it was because she was afraid of him, or because she saw me as an inconvenience, just like that evil bastard. “John, get your ass over here”, he would say when he needed me. Or “John you lazy son of a bitch, if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have a pot to piss in.” I prayed at night for God to let him die in his drunken sleep. I cried myself to sleep many nights in fear of the next day’s beatings.
When I was 12 years old I recall leaving a ball point pen in the pocket of my shirt and putting it in the washing machine. When the washer cycle finished and my Mother took out the clothes, one of Eugene’s shirts was covered with ink. When he got home from work my Mother told him what had happened, and that’s the first time I was struck in the face by his closed fist. Eugene pushed me up against the wall and hit me so hard that I fell to the floor and almost lost consciousness, all the while being berated and called stupid for my mistake. I lost an upper tooth that day, and had to explain to my friends that a fall from my skateboard caused the mishap.
The beatings continued, but became much more severe in the following months. I entered puberty that summer, and I was soon as tall as Eugene, although not nearly as muscular. I knew I couldn’t defend myself from him physically, but there was a way I thought I could stop the beatings. I knew he kept a loaded silver and pearl revolver in the nightstand at the head of his bed. I also knew he would use it on me someday. It was only a matter of time until the alcohol destroyed enough of his mind that he would point it at me. I knew long before I took the gun that I would kill Eugene someday. It was just a question of when and summoning the courage to do it.
The day before I killed him, Eugene came home from work drunk and angry. I was mowing the lawn and didn’t hear him come up behind me. He grabbed me by my shoulders and slammed my head into the engine of the lawn mower causing a gash over my left eye. The mower continued to run which drowned out the verbal abuse that followed. I lay there in the grass and engine exhaust with blood flowing down my face as he walked away. He went inside, grabbed a beer and came back and looked at me with a look that only the devil knew. It was time I thought, it was time.
The next day I took his gun and waited for him to come home from work. I sat in the recliner and practiced aiming over and over at the front door. I would shoot him as soon as he entered the threshold. I waited and waited until finally I fell asleep in the chair. Then as suddenly as I had nodded off, I felt his hand upon my shoulders, shaking me. “Get up you lazy bastard, its 5 o’clock, go help your Mother make me some supper!” As I opened my eyes I pulled out the pistol and shot Eugene right above the bridge of his big ass protuberant nose. He slid off me and crumpled to the floor in one fluid motion. It was finished. Mom called the police, I was placed in juvy, and that is how the last five years of my life were spent, all the while dreaming up a scheme to kill Mom for her indifference to my beatings.
The first night of my new found freedom I slept peacefully and dreamed of Eugene and Mom. I dreamed how Eugene had manipulated Mom as much as he had manipulated and abused me. I saw Mom as a victim for the first time, and I understood that all too well. The following morning upon awakening I called Mom and told her I had been released. "Hello Mom, I'm out. Can I come home?" Mom started crying and told me she was sorry for letting Eugene abuse me. She told me that she missed me and loved me and would be a different Mom to me if I allowed her back into my life. As I waited in that dingy motel room for her to arrive, I knew my evil plan to kill her was no more.
What I had to do was going to be much more difficult than killing her. I had to forgive. I had come back to take a life, and now I was being asked to love. It was an epiphany from heaven, a birthday present from above. I wouldn’t let Eugene’s hatred contaminate my life anymore. That which doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger it's said. As I took a deep breath, and after a pause I reminded myself out loud how freedom tasted so much sweeter than revenge and hatred. We both have open wounds that need to heal. It was time I thought, it was time.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

~Rocket Girl~


My granddaughter in Japan.  A bedtime story for my beautiful Sophie...and as you wish then it shall be.  Love...

~Rocket Girl~

Au revoir petite fille...goodbye!
You've always had your wings to fly.
I will not stop you...au contraire!
Your place is in the stratosphere.

So begin the countdown, trois, deux, un!
Your rocket girl life has just begun.
Now blast off oui...we're all so proud!
As heart shaped contrails cut the clouds.

Please keep in touch, and count the stars
as you zip through space and pass by Mars.
Now close your eyes, it's time to sleep.
Buon nuit princesse, buon nuit...buon nuit.

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Daisy for Sendai

What once was a field of daisies, then suddenly turned into a field of wreckage, is once again returning to nature.
Hinagiku, better known to English speakers as the common daisy is making it's return despite what's been thrown it's way.  Not only returning, but returning with a vengeance.  Did I expect less?  This daisy as well as others is blooming in a field in Kitasendai, a field that once lay barren from the deadly tsunami of March, 2011 that devastated Sendai, Japan.
Japanese people, as with most things Japanese bounce back quickly from adversity.  It's in their history, it's in their makeup, it's in their blood.  They will survive, and if you look away...well they'll be in the lead and you'll be playing catch up.
The Hinagiku, pushing up through the salty sand of Kitasendai.  The flower is telling the world "I am back, and ready to start anew!"  Soon the residents of Sendai will be saying the same.
Just a thought as my pen glides across this paper and ink flows freely tonight.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Meeting



And so it was, as it was always meant to be...they finally met.
He didn't expect her to be quite as short in stature, and she didn't expect him to be quite as tall...yet somehow they were perfect for each other.  
Oh, but the relationship was way past physical attributes...it was past sounds, time, heartbreak, and yes even past regrets.  Each had their own regrets, but somehow regrets seemed trivial.  It was about now, it was about them, it was about love...and they were in love.  A dream played out to the brightest ending transcending into an even brighter beginning...a prayer answered, a gift, almost undeserving.
Now the couple who only knew one another at a distance embraced, pulled slightly apart, then their lips met for the first of many times to come in their life.    
 With that he spoke up, "Where do we start?"
"How about a cup of coffee and a table for two," she said.  "We'll see where it leads."  "I know a  place near here...the locals call it PIP."  "Point the way my little compass", he said, I'm right with you."  "Did you just call me a little compass...maybe I don't like that!", she said.   I'll explain it all later over a cup", he replied.
Maybe that's how it all started with a conversation about coffee.  He couldn't remember.  He only knew he called her Sam the first time they spoke online, and the name stuck.  "Mind if I put a CD in while you drive?  It's something I've wanted to share with you for a while," he said.  "I was twenty four that year, and you were still waiting to make your arrival."
"Sam, how do you say 'you're my North star' in Tagalog?"  Sam shifted the Rabbit into second gear and turned the corner onto Pinole Valley Road.  "Yes, my moral compass you are" he said quietly under the sound of Billy's vocals and the Rabbit's engine.  
His right hand found it's way to the necklace that he wore beneath his shirt, the one with the cross on it.  "Mother Mary give me courage and wisdom...maraming salamat sa inyo."

Friday, March 18, 2011

Walk



I cannot wish away what has occurred in Japan.  But I can make a difference, and so can you.
If you look around the world, we really are a small community.  Even though we are separated by languages, oceans, and ideologies...we are still our brother and sister's keeper.  Isn't it true that we can make a difference?  Won't you join me and let's do our part?  Thank you.   


Come Walk With Me


Come walk with me and breathe the air 
where life is good and kind and fair 
where children laugh and play their games 
and gay and straight aren’t hateful names 

Where a child can safely walk home from school 
and neighbors heed the golden rule 
where every person does their part 
and love flows freely from the heart 

No need for money in this place 
we’re all part of the human race 
when there’s a need we’ll all be there 
to lend a hand and give our share 

A dream perhaps, well maybe so 
but if you don’t try you’ll never know 
how truly beautiful life can be ... 
so come and take a walk with me